12/03/22i dont really feel like writing.. so this may be short and sweet.
huh, its december. the date of a vacation my grandma planned more than a half a year ago is impending. its in mexico, near tulum, and we're staying at a resort for a month. id much rather stay at an air bnb or a condo in town, like i did when i went there when i was 4. idk id rather be where the actual people who live there are. i honestly wish i wasnt going. ugh that sounds so snotty. i swear im not taking it for granted.. its just that im a sentimental person and this christmas was going to be the last one i have before i graduate, but now ill be in mexico without my friends. i just want to host my yearly christmas party for my friends one more time while were still kids. i like setting up the secret santa and all that so we can have one night of celebrating christmas together. im also missing new years with them!! oh my. its hitting me now. i want to celebrate with them. i have a massive fomo problem. i feel gross, the fact im even complaining about a nice vacation my grandma planned for all of us (my brother, dad, her, and i.) i know ill enjoy it i just need to shut up about how i dont want to go. i know im probobly just telling myself i dont want to go, i hate change, even if its only for a month. OKAY stop groveling, me. youre dumb.
its been snowing the past few days.. its been nice to look out the window and see a whole new street that wasnt there the night before. or, atleast the snow covering everything makes it look that way. last night i built a snow bear with camryn. we made it on a field close to our houses. we realized someone would probobly knock him over within the next couple of days if we left him there, so we took a wheelbarrow from her house, dismembered him, and carried him in the wheelbarrow to my front lawn. we then re-attatched his limbs and added a hat from my old work uniform. we named him barry. hes still chillin (no pun intended) on my lawn. watching the cars go by with his little pebble eyes.. i slept so well that night. something about changing from clothes you just worked in (that snowbear took a lot of effort) to pajamas always makes me sleep better. speaking of sleep, i feel like doing some more of that. gute nacht.also, sorry this was definitely wasnt short.
~worm herself 10:50pm/11:28pm
Feeling: sleepy 😴
Song: this is the day ~ the the
11/27/22oh lawd its been an interesting (not really) week. i got my blood taken. this time i didnt look because i wasnt particularly in the mood for passing out.. otherwise it went well.
i booked my grad photos through my school and im lowkey highkey kinda nervous because i hate photo sessions where i have to pose without being able to see my face. hopefully its not like regular school photo studios because they dont show you what u look like!! they said we could bring props so im going to bring my radiohead (in rainbows) record with me. i thought that would be kind of funny. im a little worried that someone (one of the teachers or something) is going to ask why im getting grad photos done if i dont even go to class therefore wont graduate.. but im being silly, they wouldnt say that. (right?) im slowly but surely getting my life somewhat together, or, atleast in proximity.. youd be pleased to know ive started going to bed and waking up at a reasonable time!! woop! i cleaned my room (this is a huge feat dont underestimate it.) i havent cleaned it in a month and everyone started comlaining about the stench. im glad it didnt permiate the walls but now its gone and it just smells like my perfume and a strange candle... it didnt even take too long to clean which is the kicker because i put it off for so long. im glad it looks good now and i can actually walk around without tripping on something.
soooo tomorrow i said that i would go to school for the first time in about a month and im not excited about it. my only motivation is guitar class, where i get to use the amps in the backroom with my friends. also, this particular monday im going to a new ramen place that just opened up downtown after school with the homies. i havent seen camryn in about a month as well so im excited about that. i just watched labrynth.. that was fun. i came to the realization that its probobly one of my favourite movies, under perks of being a wallflower of course... both with bowie in it somehow.. i sense a theme. im listening to zed leppelin as a write this.. i think im going to do more of that (music listening) now.
~worm herself 8:25pm/9:02pm
Feeling: anxious 😧
Song: the lemon song ~ led zeppelin
guess whos been up all night again??!!
hint: its me
so i didnt have covid.. just a cold. and the dentist ended up cancelling anyways so i got up early for nothing!!! (bullpuckey)
this friday, they were filming a hallmark movie in my town. im suprised they actually picked a small town to portray a small town!! these producers are getting innovative. they are pretending its in america tho.. i feel insulted. they did make like three fake igloos out of plastic bins too.. i thought that was.. creative.
i am thrilled (distraught), because tomorrow i get to have blood drawn. theyre testing to see if i just have low blood sugar or if its depression :D WOOT! WOOT! i hate getting blood drawn because the first time i did, i hit my head on a wall coming out of the bathroom and fainted with a urine sample in my hand.. in front of like two people in the waiting room. every time after that i just get really nauseous. its funny because i like watching the blood come out of me.. (ooh edgelord) idk its cool to see what resides inside of me, outside of my body. goodbye piece of me!! so idk why i faint, its not like im afraid of it. the doctor tells me to look away and i just.. dont? maybe thats why. on the bright side: my grandmas the one taking me, and she usually gets me food. food is good. good because i have to fast for 12 hours before hand. ive been fasting since 12am.. which doesnt seem like a long time but im an avid snacker. OKAY uhhh i have nothing else to say about blood or dentists or covid. thanks for reading
~worm herself 7:20am/8:10am
Feeling: bloody 😡
Song: needle in the hay ~ elliot smith
So last night i decided i was going to do a whole page revamp, starting with a home page. did i just create
i wish i was sleeping rn tbh but i had to wake up early to arrange plans for my dentist appointment... or atleast to dearrange the appointment, because i cant go! my homie (camryn) just told me and my other homie (dakota) that she has covid!! and ive been sick for the past few days, (you know by now, thats all ive written about lmao) so i dont think i can go. not that im sad... i havent brushed my teeth lately (dont be mean, its just another quirky depression side effect) so i dont feel like having a judgy half-doctor all up in my mouth hole. hmm that sounded kind of mean.. i actually love my dentist, theres a cool view out the window. blame the covid for the sour attitude (if i even have it)
okay i think thats all, i feel my knees bending backwards, my back and eyes hurt, and my hands are fridgid (screw you canadian weather).
heres a parting gift.. sum blinkies/buttons:
~worm herself 7:06am/7:31am
Feeling: decrepit 👵
Song: egg ~ the garden
wow, yet another night spent staying awake doing this, instead of attempting to fix my woeful sleep schedule.
(time flies while doing this stuff!!) seems very in character pour moi. im still sick, cold as hell in my room, probobly bailing on yet another day of school.(yippee) at least a new episode of
i ate some really good soup earlier. it was made in such an abnormal way. like, chicken noodle from another dimension. it may have changed my perspective on soup forever tbh.
okay im tired and theres no more soup to write about so i think im done here. sure is nothing like finally going to bed at 6am.
~worm herself 5:00am/6:10am
Feeling: sleep deprived 😵
Song: pale ~ modern colour
here is where im going to be writing about random stuff, a digital diary if you will.
i was literally up all night trying to figure out how to do this stuff (html/css) and today i even enlisted my dads help. im pretty happy with how my site is turning out but theres still a lot left to be desired. i have had this stupid cold for the past few days, absolutely pummeling my nervous system. so does my dad, and one of my best friends. its a cesspool of disease up in here. if you dont hear from me, im dead.
~worm herself ?:??/?:??
Feeling: sniffly 😷
Song: black star ~ radiohead